Max Applesauce and the Mysterious Murder Mystery of Murder! Part 3

Max Applesauce began to stir as a sharp pain washed over him, followed by a dull throbbing in the top of his head. He opened his eyes and tried to bring a hand up to them, but they were bound by something.

"Sorry about that, old chap, but I had to knock you out so I could bring you to my mansion without any trouble or punches to my groin," came a voice from the dark figure from the end of Part 2. He was sitting at the far end of a long dining table in a dimly lit but nicely decorated room that smelled a bit like strawberries.

"Hey, I got those crusty eye booger things and they're driving me nuts," Max Applesauce replied.

"Oh, sure thing." The man stood up from his chair, his face entering the light, allowing Max Applesauce to see his face for the first time since the beginning of the story.

"John J. Explosionface!" Max Applesauce exclaimed.

"Yeah, hey. Hold on, let me just undo this," John J. Explosionface said as he came around the table and untied Max Applesauce's right hand.

Max Applesauce brought the freed hand up to his eyes and wiped the gunk from them. He wiped his hand on his pants and then laid it back on the arm rest of the chair. John J. Explosionface retied the rope around the arm rest and Max Applesauce's wrist.

"Is that good?" he asked.

"It was a little tighter before, I think," Max Applesauce replied.

"How about now?"

"Yeah, that seems about right."

"Cool." John J. Explosionface quickly turned and headed back down to the far end of the table.

"Why did you bring me here?" Max Applesauce, uh... asked.

"Hold on! Let me sit down and get ready."

"Sorry."

John J. Explosionface sat down in his chair at the other end of the table. "Alright. Alright, I'm good."

"Ok. Why did you bring me here?"

John J. Explosionface shot to his feet, his face entering the light once again.

"John J. Explosionface!" Max Applesauce exclaimed.

"The one and only! I brought you here, Mr. Max Applesauce, because you have gotten dangerously close to discovering my plan, which I will divulge to you now. You see, you weren't the one who shot that man in the city."

Max Applesauce was shocked. "I wasn't?"

"No," John J. Explosionface stated as a gleeful smile began to emerge. "In fact, you had nothing to do with it. You see, I planted the bullet at a high velocity in the man's body to frame you. Of course, being the compassionate son of a bananaphone you are, you gladly scooped the man up and carried him to the hospital. But little did you realize that the bullet was causing him to bleed to death too fast for you to get to the hospital in time to let the doctors make the bullet stop making him bleed to death! Just as I had planned, the man died right outside the hospital, where I had a friend waiting for you."

"You don't mean..."

"SHUT UP!"

Just then, and not at any other time, Detective Zyboat emerged from the shadows. "That's right, Max Applesauce. Me. You see, I knew you were innocent. But I'm a crooked cop and John J. Explosionface was paying me to arrest you for the murder of that man who died! Of murder!"

"Unfortunately," John J. Explosionface interrupted, "Detective Zyboat here didn't count on you pulling your arm away and then running. He had his police buddies chase you once you got on that boat, but you somehow managed to slip away once again. When I found your body washed up on shore this morning as I was taking my daily frolic, I knew I had to act fast. Anyway, blah blah blah, and now you're here. But, what to do with you," John J. Explosionface wondered out loud.

Detective Zyboat pulled out a gun, aiming it at Max Applesauce. "I say we shoot him." Zyboat suddenly heard the click of a revolver as the cold metal pressed up against the back of his skull.

"Perhaps, detective. But we wouldn't even be here if it weren't for your imcompetence," John J. Explosionface whispered into Zyboat's ear.

"But, I-"

"Goodbye," John J. Explosionface coldly uttered as his finger pulled the trigger. As the shot rang out through the halls of the mansion, Detective Zyboat's lifeless body fell limply to the floor.

"Hey! Not cool!" Max Applesauce yelled.

"No, you're stupid!" retorted John J. Explosionface as he lifted the gun so that it was pointing squarely at Max Applesauce's face. "It's been fun, Max Applesauce, but I'm afraid you've overstayed your welcome."

Suddenly, a scream erupted just outside the window. "DEUS EX MACHINA!!! YYYYAAAAAARRRRR HARRRR HAR HAR HAR HARRRRRRR!!!"

The wall exploded from the force of a large and happy narwhale crashing into the mansion's dining room! John J. Explosionface was crushed under the weight of the mammal fish before he could even scream, and Max Applesauce was somehow pushed aside to safety and also the ropes became untied and he got up onto his feet and didn't have any scratches on him. As the dust settled, Captain Arthur McRuntpunch walked up to Max Applesauce.

"How ye doin', me boy? Hope ye don't mind me crashin' the party. I brought along a date, too, if'n that be alright! Yarrr!"

The two men laughed and then rode the happy narwhale back to the city, and they were best friends forever. 4 months later, Captain McRuntpunch was hit by a train. Fortunately, it was the Soul Train! Funkalicious, brotha!

The end.