SOMETIMES THIS GUY I KNOW WRITES STORIES ABOUT ME SO I DECIDED TO TAKE HIS OLD STORIES AND PUT THEM HERE AND IF HE EVER HAS A NEW STORY I'LL PUT IT HERE TOO! HERE IS THE STORY NOW! IT HAS 3 PARTS! THIS IS PART 1!
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It was a hot and balmy day in lower middle downtown, and Max Applesauce was busy doing Max Applesauce things. He also had a delicious hot dog. Hot dogs are a good source of calcium and meats, you know. Max Applesauce eats a lot of hot dogs. It makes him beefy. He is able to freely kick over goats at will.
As Max Applesauce strolled merrily down the busy city street, a shot rang out. He wasn't walking in the middle of the street. He was walking on the sidewalk. Anyway, he heard the shot with one or maybe both of his ears and turned in the general direction. Then he heard a scream.
"Oh my God, he's been shot!" screamed either dog crap smeared on a burlap sack or an ungodly hideous woman.
Max Applesauce darted across the street towards the scene of the crime. A man lay on the sidewalk in a pool of blood, but Max Applesauce could not see who it was through the throngs of people fleeing from the vicinity. When Max Applesauce finally arrived at the body, it was too late. He had already been shot. Not a second time. Just once, from that first time.
Max Applesauce knelt down beside the man, scooping him up into his arms. "It's okay. I've got you," Max Applesauce calmly stated. The man said nothing as he stared up at Max Applesauce.
In a flash, Max Applesauce was bounding over people and cars in a valiant effort to get to the hospital. Which he eventually did. However, before Max Applesauce could walk through the doors, the man grabbed his shirt and whispered into his earhole.
"John... J... Ex..."
With one final gasp, the man died in Max Applesauce's big man arms.
"Well well well, what do we have here?" came a voice not at all familiar to Max Applesauce.
Max Applesauce turned around to see a short black man wearing a black suit and some kind of dark hair on the top of his head. The suit was like a business suit or something, not like a gorilla suit or anything silly like that.
"This man has been shot!" Max Applesauce called out.
"By you?" asked the man.
Max Applesauce blinked. "No, by someone else that isn't me."
"I am Detective Harmond Zyboat, and you're going to have to accompany me to the station. The police station!" With that, the young detective reached out his hand to take Max Applesauce's hand, which caused him to drop the corpse. The two men walked hand in hand down the street to the police station.
"I'm innocent!" exclaimed Max Applesauce.
"That's what they all say. Even the innocent ones!"
"But you have to believe me! I was taking him to the hospital. Why would I shoot him and then carry his corpse to the hospital?"
"Because," shot back the hotshot detective, "you want it look like you didn't shoot him by pretending to try to help him after you shot him for reasons unbeknownst to mankind!"
"Oooh. You're good!" The dynamic Max Applesauce suddenly ripped his hand away from the police guy and ran out the police door. "But I'm quicker!"
The brassy Detective Zyboat gave chase to the incredible Max Applesauce in a chase right off this page and into your heart! As Max Applesauce ran through the winding city streets towards the city harbour, Detective Zyboat kept pace with him, yelling for him to stop and be under arrest. But the wild detective was not expecting to crash into a bunch of cardboard boxes with a fruit stand hiding behind them and two guys carrying a big plate of glass right behind the fruit stand! Max Applesauce successfully escaped.
When Max Applesauce reached the harbour, he jumpkicked onto a boat, yelling, "Follow that cab!"
The old briny sea captain turned to him, a fire in his eyes and a song in his heart and a worm in his lower intestines, and said with a wry smile, "Yarrrr, I be Captain Arthur McRuntpunch, and if ye be wantin' ta go ta Zombie Vampire Witch Ghost Island of Skulls de la Muerte, I be the right vessel and me ship be the finest captain fer ye to be selecting at this particular junction in time! Har."
"Sounds good!" Max Applesauce said with a chipper attitude that made all the ladies swoon.
To Be Continued...
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