And now, Part 2 of Max Applesauce Live at the Hollywood Bowl.
As Max Applesauce and Captain Arthur McRuntpunch and the boat they were on sailed across the mighty seas towards Zombie Vampire Witch Ghost Island of Skulls de la Muerte, the salty sea captain regailed the freaktastical Max Applesauce. Regailed him with tales. Tales of the seas!
"Yarr, there we were, surrounded on all sides by scallywag landlubbers all a-brewin' fer a beatin'. Had to be at least thirty men, and me and me crew were narry more than a half dozen. Suddenly, a dance-mule jumped out of the trees, yellin', 'GYAH I'M A DANCE-MULE!' And that's how I met yer mother, wee lassie," said the captain as he brushed a tear from his crusty blue eye and reached for his bottle of finely aged rum.
Without warning, Max Applesauce lept to his feet. "Uh oh! Look, it's the police in a fancy action police boat! They're closing in fast from the wicky wicky wicky wild wild west!" he expressed through the production of audible sequences of concatenated sounds of a language.
"PULL OVER TO THE SIDE OF THE OCEAN AND GET OUT OF THE BOAT WITH YOUR HANDS ABOVE YOUR HEAD!" screeched a shrill voice into the big talkie loudie horn on the police boat.
"Arrr a-har har har har harrr!" laughed Captain McRuntpunch, "I've got more than a few tricks up me sleeve. Like three more! Never fear, young whippersnapper. It may not look it, but me ship is just as fine a swimmer under the water as it is on top."
With a wink and a nod, the captain lifted a large sledgehammer over his head and swung it straight down into the deck of the ship. Water began to rush into the boat as the captain furiously smashed chunks of the floor into Oblivion, featuring the voice of Patrick Stewart.
"HEY, FRUITCUPS! I SAYS TO PULL THAT SHIZZY OVER, YO! WE IS THE POLICE AND WE BE GETTIN' SICK OF YO' MALARKY UP IN HERE!"
"Eat barnacles, ye saltblublublublublublublub," the captain retorted as the ship dove deep into the depths of deeply depth-filled waters.
"OH SNAP, SON! DID YOU JUST SEE THAT!? THE BOAT TOTALLY VANISHED LIKE A HAPPY NARWHALE!"
"YOU DON'T HAVE TO SPEAK INTO THE MEGAPHONE. I'M STANDING RIGHT NEXT TO YOU, YOU FAT SMELLY JERK."
Max Applesauce, while quite amazing, was not capable of breathing underwater. He tried desperately to jumpkick the oxygen away from the hydrogen so that he could put it in his lungs, but this was beyond even the crumbelievable Max Applesauce. Before anyone, including me, even knew it, Max Applesauce was unconscious and wet.
Max Applesauce suddenly felt a small kick to the side of his head. As he opened his eyes, his pupils desperately trying to adjust to the intense sunlight pouring down on his face, he could see a dark figure looming over him.
"Welcome, Max Applesauce," said the figure, "Welcome to Zombie Vampire Witch Ghost Island of Skulls de la Muerte. Or Z.V.W.Gism, as the kids like to call it."
To be continued...
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